It would be an understatement to say that I am homesick. How foolish I was to think that by moving closer to my work, life would start being more colorful and I would be able to satiate my hunger for literature and a sense of liberty. Needless to say, it was nothing more than a blind assumption.
I am writing this entry while lying on the bed. The loud snoring of my roommate makes it nigh impossible to get a wink. I just got home from work, dead tired. I could almost not focus on my work due to sleepiness, and this is all my dormmate’s fault. I do not want to talk too much about her (as that would confess that I care too much about her existence.) But without a way to let out this frustration swelling inside of me, I might become too careless and end up manifesting this grievance towards the suspect.
The woman in question snores so loud that she cannot hear her alarm clock. Hear that? Her alarm clock goes off continuously for more or less an hour, and it goes unnoticed. So not only do we have to endure her loud snores from evening to sunrise, she also blesses us with an hour of simultaneous suffering from her loud sleeping cries and the siren of her phone. It is very cruel. How can a woman, with an ability to reason, do such a thing? I do not know.
I tried filing a complaint to the dormkeeper regarding this issue but their reply is that ‘we should turn off her alarm when it starts ringing’. Even a fool will understand that that hardly tackles the issue! Who am I to touch another person’s (let alone a stranger’s) belongings!? I am quite honestly baffled; yet what can I do? I still have 5 weeks left before I can permanently leave this domain.
Now on to what I really wanted to write about. Earlier, I tried to count how much money I had left to work with until my last shift for the week. Quite frankly, not a lot. So I tried to come up with a breakfast that is not only cheap but also something I can eat outside. I found myself near the jeepney terminal where I go so I can go home to my family. This almost made me want to hop in and forget this nonsense of going back to my dorm and fight my way to sleep against that snoring abomination.
But I know that by going home to my family, I would betray the purpose of my going away, the reason I went and rented a bedspace. Do know that I had to borrow 10,000 pesos just to have a place to stay here. Going home to my husband and son would betray the reason I had this amount lent to me, which I have not even started paying yet.
I indeed find myself cold and lonely among my peers. I do not feel like I belong in this very busy world but yours truly has mouths to feed and bills to pay. I can feel the fatigue slowly building up on me throughout the week and I don’t know how long I can keep this up.
My coworkers keep praising my performance as someone who’s new at the job, which rivals those who are already in the industry for a while already; but I am not really flattered. It is wrong to judge someone by their occupation but this industry is full of nitwits. If I’m not at the very least one of the best then that would mean I am worthless. I’m just jesting, of course! But if I have to do something anyway, and it’s in my power to do well, then I might as well try my best.